Good Morning....maybe?

3 things that I want to talk about - The holiday season, Ryan, and ...well...me.

Its almost thanksgiving and my cravings can barely contain themselves! haha I absolutely cant wait for savory turkey and stuffing, sweet cranberries, big fluffy dinner rolls...mmMmMm!  Speaking of Holidays, I love the way this season makes me feel...or maybe its just Ryan, or maybe its the baby, I dont know.  But im in love with this feeling! Its like happy mixed with joy mixed with love mixed with hungry :)

I understand that Ryan and I have kinda done things backwards...okay REALLY backwards, but in some odd perfect way it works, and its a beautiful thing.  Its like every day I fall more and more in love with him, which makes me more and more excited for our future together :)  Ive been having dreams at least once a week about marrying him...its precious. why isnt there a way to record dreams?!
On the topic of Ryan, hes currently away hunting.  I love that he has these hobbies and that he brings home delicious deer for me and his family but ugh, its like the second he leaves for the weekend, I start feeling sick and whiny and I realize that its happening and its just plain obnoxious. Id really like for the first trimester to end now instead of at the end of November so maybe these mood swings and early symptoms will go away.

Last topic, and its INCREDIBLY vain, so if you dont want to read my whining, I understand.
I dont feel pretty lately, and Im not sure why.  physically, my boobs look phenomenal (thank you, love-nugget) my belly is only showing a tiny amount, but enough that I dont look fat, so why do I feel this way?  Im thinking it has something to do with a certain group of 3 girls that dont like me (for something that happened 5 months ago that no one cares about anymore) and constantly send me drunk texts at night telling me how ugly I am and how ugly my baby will be...I know I shouldnt let it get to me because theyre just drunk but seriously...thats not nice.  I get it, that im not a supermodel, and my forehead is too big, and im pale...well its winter and God made me this way.  I cant change it.  I hate feeling insecure. its disgusting to me. ugh.  Now i'm fussy.  I wish I could go shopping and get a new outfit or two and feel good again, but I lost my job (because of the pregnancy, pretty positive) so now I have no extra money and no law firms are hiring (that I've found).

Well I dont want to end badly, so im just going to keep being excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas and tomorrow Ryan will come home again and life will be good :)

Lets get on the same page here, please

So after our October 19th appointment, we had another appointment on October 25th for our first ultrasound.  Ryan was acting nervous and standoffish since we had the positive test, which I assumed lent to his nerves that this was really happening.  He and I talked about the other options, but felt and agreed that at our age (23) and our economic status that it would be cruel to extinguish or give up a little miracle, just because it was a surprise.
That being said, I keep hearing that he is telling his friends he doesnt want it, which depresses me, makes me cry, makes me nervous, etc. He tells me that he loves me, but to me it means nothing if he hates this little thing growing inside me.
At our first ultrasound appointment I was worried that he wouldnt even want to go in with me, but he did, and we were able to see the baby's heartbeat.  I swear it was the most amazing thing Ive ever seen in my entire life.  It was right there, clear as day, beating away at 141bpm.  It was INCREDIBLE. I cried, ryan had this look of shock.  After that, he started to understand that this wasnt going to be as terrible as he thought.

Basically, it took me about 30 seconds to adapt to this new role as a vessel/all inclusive resort for our love-nugget, and it took Ryan about 30 days - at least we are on the same page now. finally. :)

REALIZATION: We're having a baby!

Now Im going to get real with you people- we had planned to take things slow (intimately) but after a night of Jack Daniels and Budweiser, those plans went a little haywire, but my goodness..WORTH IT! ...Or was it?  That was the week of September 13th.  Little did we know, that night we not only expressed our love to each other, but that love did exactly what mother nature intended.  Oops! 

as the month of september continued, we lent no thought to the tiny embryo a-brewin' (yeah I just said that) in my uterus, we had no idea..

Around October 10th, while talking with my friend Jessaca, we discussed her new nuva ring and how its made her periods so regular, etc...at which point she said hers started right on time about 5 days ago.  This struck me as odd, because I have been 2 weeks before her every month since we started nursing school.  I immediately texted Ryan and he said we should take a test, to which my response was---nahhhh itll be fine lets give it a few days.  

Instead of "giving it a few days", he took it upon himself to buy a test, which I took the following morning.  Not only was it positive, but it was IMMEDIATELY positive, and the bright pink line left no idea that it was a mistake.  I called Ryan into the bathroom (at 5:45 in the morning--- I was anxious!) and showed him the test (in case I was reading it wrong) to which he replied "Oh thats just great, im going back to bed" .....WHAT?!?!?!? thats it!? we are having a baby and he goes back to bed?! 

Okay fine, he was tired and had to be up in an hour, whatever, I had more serious business to attend to anyway.  I went to the kitchen and CHUGGED 4 glasses of water, laughing to myself and saying "oh its going to be so diluted that the next test will def be positive" So I took the second test...BAM. just as bold as the first.  We made a doctors appointment, it was October 19th, and they confirmed by test that we were pregnant.

Our Story

Okay, so the beginning:

Ryan and I met through our mutual friend, Jessie about 2 years ago...we hardly saw each other until July of 2010, when we kept running into one another.  At this point, we started hanging out more, doing things together, and it was shockingly awesome.  I was fairly certain that I hadnt been this happy in over a year :) plus, hes breath-takingly handsome of course :)

So we dated and things were blissful, his parents love me, my parents love him, it was basically a match made in heaven.  I moved into my new loft on campus at SLU (where im in Nursing School) and was a little bummed that I would be so far away from his South County home (yeah, he has his own house, its pretty awesome, jusssayin.)

Ryan had asked me one September morning to be his girlfriend, to which I (hilariously, in my opinion) told him "we do we need to label things?" and the subject was dropped until a later date.  This seems funny to me, as normally I am the person to initiate those decisions...either way, it was cute that he asked!

So thats how "we" started - short story? yeah youre telling ME! it only gets longer (and better!) from here!