Good Morning....maybe?

3 things that I want to talk about - The holiday season, Ryan, and ...well...me.

Its almost thanksgiving and my cravings can barely contain themselves! haha I absolutely cant wait for savory turkey and stuffing, sweet cranberries, big fluffy dinner rolls...mmMmMm!  Speaking of Holidays, I love the way this season makes me feel...or maybe its just Ryan, or maybe its the baby, I dont know.  But im in love with this feeling! Its like happy mixed with joy mixed with love mixed with hungry :)

I understand that Ryan and I have kinda done things backwards...okay REALLY backwards, but in some odd perfect way it works, and its a beautiful thing.  Its like every day I fall more and more in love with him, which makes me more and more excited for our future together :)  Ive been having dreams at least once a week about marrying him...its precious. why isnt there a way to record dreams?!
On the topic of Ryan, hes currently away hunting.  I love that he has these hobbies and that he brings home delicious deer for me and his family but ugh, its like the second he leaves for the weekend, I start feeling sick and whiny and I realize that its happening and its just plain obnoxious. Id really like for the first trimester to end now instead of at the end of November so maybe these mood swings and early symptoms will go away.

Last topic, and its INCREDIBLY vain, so if you dont want to read my whining, I understand.
I dont feel pretty lately, and Im not sure why.  physically, my boobs look phenomenal (thank you, love-nugget) my belly is only showing a tiny amount, but enough that I dont look fat, so why do I feel this way?  Im thinking it has something to do with a certain group of 3 girls that dont like me (for something that happened 5 months ago that no one cares about anymore) and constantly send me drunk texts at night telling me how ugly I am and how ugly my baby will be...I know I shouldnt let it get to me because theyre just drunk but seriously...thats not nice.  I get it, that im not a supermodel, and my forehead is too big, and im pale...well its winter and God made me this way.  I cant change it.  I hate feeling insecure. its disgusting to me. ugh.  Now i'm fussy.  I wish I could go shopping and get a new outfit or two and feel good again, but I lost my job (because of the pregnancy, pretty positive) so now I have no extra money and no law firms are hiring (that I've found).

Well I dont want to end badly, so im just going to keep being excited about Thanksgiving and Christmas and tomorrow Ryan will come home again and life will be good :)